Self-Care, Nashville Style

From the time I was a little girl, I was listening to some sort of music somewhere. My dad shared his love of rock, country and bluegrass with us kids by taking us to bluegrass festivals and shows in Lancaster and other local places; we were raised to love music and to appreciate the chance to see it live. (With the number of Spotify playlists my siblings and I share on a regular basis, you can say that love is alive and well!) Dad even rocked me as a baby in a rocking chair while he converted all his records to cassette tapes. Don’t judge – I know that makes me old!

Saturday nights in our house consisted of evening baths, my mom setting me and my sister’s hair in foam rollers for church the next day, and the Grand Ole Opry on TV. We watched Little Jimmie Dickens tell jokes with a big smile on his face, Patty Loveless belt out Kentucky ballads and scores of others sing from Nashville every Saturday night.

We were taught the history of country music and how the Ryman Auditorium, “The Mother Church”, was one of the most respected and revered musical venues in the country. Dad loved to play shows from the Ryman and even though the Opry wasn’t played there anymore, we watched many events recorded from that stage. So, you can understand the Ryman was a big deal to us.

Fast forward thirtyish years….

Moving to a new state and town is exciting, scary and kinda weird. You start a new job and your new coworkers are basically the only people you know. Literally. So, you make start to get to know people and make friends and go home to….well, yourself. Then you gather up your courage to try something new and start meeting people in the area. Showing up to things and making acquaintances…hoping that some of them will turn into friends. And – get this – some do! And it’s really awesome. But – you’re still in newish friend zone, so you don’t feel comfortable with asking them to go just anywhere yet.

I’m supremely lucky in that I had a friend in CO (here’s to you April!) who made me feel not all alone there and one I hadn’t met in person but had known for years here in Tennessee. I’m pretty sure Nicole was sent to make sure I didn’t have a mental breakdown those first few weeks and has quickly become one of the best people I have ever known. She is hilarious, kind to everyone and this woman has taken care of me from almost the day I hit Nashville. She’s also a classic dork like me who loves memes and never judges when I feel like I might get emotional. Oh, and she’s also a hockey fan – so, legit awesome all around.

Anywho…..Nicole took me to a few Preds games and I was surprised to find that the Bridgestone Arena is literally across the street from the Ryman and that both of them are gateways to the craziness of the honky tonks of lower Broadway. That corner is crowded, loud, crazy at all different times and just utterly fascinating. She showed me places to park, eat and people watch – and promised we’d get to the Ryman one day.

If you guys were friends with me during the “Concert Kim” phase, you know I love going to see live music and am usually checking to see who’s gonna be where and when, and if I can go see them. So naturally, I signed up for a bunch of email lists in Nashville and am starting to see artists here in town. And I know it’s not a big surprise, but there’s a lot of good music here. All over.

One day I got an email about upcoming shows at the Ryman and I saw The SteelDrivers were going to be in town on a random Thursday night. They’re a bluegrass band that have been around for a long time and used to have the Chris Stapleton as their front man. Yep. Stapleton. The guys at work in Denver introduced them to me and I’ve been a fan since I heard them belting out “Blue Side Of The Mountain” in the shop. I listened to them in repeat for weeks and “Where Rainbows Never Die” was my number one listened song on Spotify in 2020. By a landslide. It’s a freaking awesome song with a beautiful intro. Listen to it sometime.

I did something crazy and bought myself a ticket. So I went. All by myself. Parked in the garage Nicole showed me and headed to the Assembly Food Hall for dinner (which she also introduced me to) and got to watch some live music there as well. All the while thinking that, in just an hour or so, I was going to walk into the Ryman for the first time. It was weird – like I had some kind of uncanny awareness that something I had looked forward to for a long time was gonna happen. It was almost like I was scared to mess it up. As I said, weird.

An hour before show time, I walked across the street and didn’t even know how to get in. It was kinda funny – the doors face Broadway but you don’t actually go in there. There’s a path around the back of the building that winds through some statues of famous stars – including Bill Monroe – before entering into a courtyard that filters you into the building.

You guys – the AMOUNT of old people milling around that courtyard carrying stadium seats, lawn chair cushions and blankets to sit on cracked me the hell up! I knew the Ryman had literal church pews to sit on, but for some reason I wasn’t expecting this. I even saw one elderly lady push people out of her way with her cane. I’m sitting there cracking up with a crazy grin on my face. I seriously hope I’m that awesome when I’m that old.

Then I walked in. And felt a certain kind of way. Like I could feel this was a big deal. I was finally in there! There are stained glass windows, pews and a really cool staircase. I walked up those steps looking at the windows and just breathed “I’m here”. It was so surreal. It was just a building but it was like you could feel, smell and taste the history there. It was one of the coolest experiences I’ve ever had.

I walked down and sat in my pew (so cool!) and got ready for the show to start. Bill Cody, the guy that MC’s the Opry came out and welcomed us all there. The sound of his voice practically made me tear up – it was just like it was all those times we watched him on TV as kids. So freaking cool!

Troubadour Blue came out as the openers and those kids brought the house down. Their energy, crazy harmonies and musical genius wowed the whole crowd. These guys are GOOD. Really good. And their songs are lyrically entertaining. At one point during their set, the lead singer says to us “I know we’re probably not the ones you came to see and some of you may have been here before, but this will forever be the first time we play the Ryman”. And he choked up. We gave them a standing ovation. And my eyes were leaking a little bit. They were incredible. I follow their Instagram and they are still riding high on that emotion and it’s been weeks at this point. I wanted to find that guy and tell him I had no idea I was going to see them play, but the opening notes to their song was the first ones I would ever hear live at the Ryman. I’m still getting goosebumps.

Then, The SteelDrivers walked onstage and proceeded to blow us away for the next couple hours. They were so good – they have great harmonies, they’re all good musicians and I pretty much fell in love with them all over again. And their latest lead singer is simply a gorgeous man – just throwing that out there. They played twenty songs and I sang along with almost every single one. I was in my happy place watching this band play songs that had come to mean so much to me – and it was in the Ryman! It was incredible.

Oh Mr. Hot Stuff also told us at one point that it was his first time at the Ryman and we gave him a standing ovation as well. He got so emotional he picked up a towel to dry his face. It was cool. Then Tammy Rogers (one of the original members) thanked us for making it special for him and asked if any of us were there for the first time. A few of us raised our hands and everyone applauded. It was pretty cool. I also felt a certain kinda way about that moment.

They played my three favorite songs at the end of the night (of course they were last- they were the best!) and did “Where Rainbow Never Die” as the encore. The second those familiar notes of the intro were played, I couldn’t help it anymore. I gave up. The emotion of the night finally got to me and tears ran down my face as I tried to video it and bask in the making of that memory all at the same time. I will never forget that moment. It was emotional and sweet and all mine and it was glorious.

After they finished the song, they took a bow, we applauded them and the house lights came up. I followed the crowd down the stairwell and came out in the street to the neon lights of Broadway in the hot and muggy summer night. And walking back to the car, I had the biggest grin on my face. I looked up to the sky and just said “thank you”. I was supremely glad I went and so very glad I went by myself. I didn’t have to worry about someone else not liking them, or wanting to leave early or thinking that me fangirling over a freaking wonderful building was weird. It went better than I could have imagined and it was an experience I will treasure for a lifetime.

I called my dad when I got home just to tell him all about it. I wanted to share my exuberance with him as he was the one who started it all in the first place. And bless him – it was late as hell on the east coast and he still listened to me babble on and was thrilled for me. I love how life brings you back around sometimes.

A few days later I told my new friends about it and they said they would’ve gone with me (guess I should’ve been comfortable asking them after all), so they’re totally going to see Aaron Lewis with me in December! But I think Nicole said it best – that this experience would not have been the same and it would not have been so personal to me if I had gone with someone else. That this was something that was mine to do and to have – and that it was a night I would remember forever. And she’s so right – it really was.

So I hope you remember this story when you have the opportunity to do something you’ve always wanted to do. It may be scary or weird and you may have to go by yourself, but here’s to making new memories with your own fine self. And walking out afterwards with a big ass grin on your face because you had the time of your life and you wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Rock on.

Picture credits are by yours truly. Credit for the name of this post goes to Nicole 🙂

How We See Ourselves

Do you guys ever experience this?  You’re going about your own business and then someone plays a voicemail you’ve left them and all of a sudden you’re wondering if THAT is really what you sound like?  Or you catch what you look like on a zoom call or FaceTime and wonder why no one told you your eye makeup was smudged and your hair is a hot mess?

We tend to be our biggest fans and our worst critics.  We have this image of how we come across, how others see us, and how we impact others.  Only to see a picture or hear a voicemail and then all bets are off.  We spiral into a freefall thinking about how horrible we look, how much weight we’ve put on, and where the hell did all those gray hairs come from?

We tend to look at ourselves through a kaleidoscope that’s tinted with our own perspective. But you know what? That’s just as twisted as all the colors we used to see when we looked through those things. Because we shouldn’t be as concerned as we are with how we see ourselves (although I firmly believe we all need to fall in love with our own fine selves), as much as we should be concerned with how others see us. Just be kind. To everyone.

Now – let’s be straight here – I still struggle with what others think of me, but I’ve come a long way compared to how I used to be. I watched a TED talk recently where the lady was saying how we think we need “permission, community and curiosity” to have confidence. She slayed me. Really. Cause you know what? So often I’ve looked to others to raise my confidence when I don’t actually need it from them. I can have confidence in my God-given abilities, in my experience and in the opportunity I have been given to share them. If we give ourselves permission to defy expectations and surround ourselves with a community of supporters, who knows where our curiosity will take us?

So walk about in the confidence you’ve just given yourself to have and focus on others – that picture you’re wanting to see will paint itself.

You Are So Loved

Thanks to @mikaylaljohnsonn for sending the graphic

You know those posts you see about suicide prevention and how you can put it on your page so people can see it? I was one of those ones who see them, feel bad for those people and scroll on.

The thing is – that all changes drastically if it is someone you know. Or knew a long time ago. Or were somehow connected with. And then the meaning behind those posts changes dramatically – because now you see a real face. A life.

One day this last summer, I woke up and smacked my alarm a few times before finally picking my phone up. Those of you who know me know my eyes are terrible and I rarely have my glasses nearby because I mainly wear contacts. Well, as I checked my phone and – squinting one eye to try and see better – I did what most of us do in the morning and checked a few things. Then Facebook.

Sometimes I think we should have a rule – no checking out phones before we’ve had several cups of coffee, fresh contacts installed and are somewhat coherent. But, hey. Probably not going to change that anytime soon.

Anyway, that day the first post was one of those you don’t want to see – one with not good news. One of the girls from my Junior High small group (they’re now 28. 28! Gosh, I’m getting old!) had posted an “In memoriam” post with lots of pictures of one of her really good friends. And – I knew that friend. I knew that face. She was also one of the girls from that group.

The years I spent with the Junior High Ministry at Calvary Philly were some of my favorite ones. I had a blast hanging out with those kids. And I’ll always remember that first group I was with from their 6th to 8th grade years. I don’t remember everything about those girls, but I remember them.

Thanks to Facebook, we can keep in touch with people even when your lives follow different paths. And since I was connected to the one girl, I watched the other grow up. Of sorts.

Back to the post – even though I was squinting and still not awake, this jolted me. A young lady whom I remembered with one of the biggest smiles I’ve ever seen, and infectious laugh and dancing eyes. Knowing that life light was gone out cut me pretty bad.

Then I found out what happened – she had committed suicide. Even seeing those words still makes me still. This is a person who was raising a kid, moved to another state, found work and seemed to be doing well. (But I’m sure there was much more to it than the snippets I saw). She had been dealing with some rough things in her life and it must have been pretty difficult.

It made me remember that we don’t know what everyone is going through – and what they show outwardly is not often the whole story. There have been times when I’ve never wanted to show up to anything and did and was so on. Because I figured if I was overly outgoing, no one would ask any real questions. But that was just a mood – sometimes it’s a life.

That whole day I was distracted. Off. Heartbroken. For her – for her friend. For her kid and her parents. I didn’t really even know what to feel or how I felt.

All in all, it made me think of how we have the opportunity to influence others. To love others. We taught those girls over 15 years ago – heck, I’m grateful they even remember some of us. Who knows what type of influence we had? What influences came after us? What twists and turns their lives made?

The challenge here is to think about those close to you – and not so close to you. Those struggling and those you have no idea are struggling. All of them need to know they have someone around them to talk to. To call when there’s an issue. To love them and pray for them.

Here’s hoping they know they are so loved. That there are people somewhere in their lives who love and care for them. Who can show them their lives matter. And that they are so loved.

Clarity

It’s so funny how life goes round…and things we couldn’t understand before make their way back around and suddenly we see clearly what we couldn’t see before. Usually because the light is shining just a little bit differently.

All of the events of the past few months have entwined themselves into something that I couldn’t see before. Changes are just that – changes. If we could see them coming, they’d be just…events. Things. Stuff. Changes are hard. But if we don’t roll with the punches, we could end up limiting our own growth.

I’m not sure if things will be better or worse, but I can tell you I’m going to learn. And I’m going to grow. Because the other other option is to remain stagnant and I’m just not interested in that. Life is meant to be experienced – and if what we’re going to experience is going to be through a different lens than we had planned, the only option we have is to refocus.

We’re not always going to know what is ahead and we’re not always going to see what’s coming. But if you are confident and secure in your abilities, you’re going to adapt. And you’re gonna be just fine.

Sometimes I’m glad I don’t see what’s up ahead – the less time I have to think about something, the less I’m going to overthink it. And with everything that’s changed in the past eight weeks, I was able to take yet another change in stride. It’s going to be different and it’s going to be challenging, but I’m not afraid.

So at this point, if you have something new coming at you, roll with it. Just see what happens. Prepared or unprepared, you’re going to learn something about life and more importantly, yourself, through it. And you might just be surprised with how well you handle it.

Reflection

I’m not one for resolutions so I didn’t write a New Year’s post. My experience with resolutions is common – they’re dead within a matter of weeks. What I try to do is make some goals and create a realistic plan to get them accomplished. I don’t always complete them, but I usually get a lot further than not starting at all.

January 26th has become somewhat of a special day to me. Not only is it Dana’s birthday, but it became one of the most pivotal days of my life. In 2018, it was the day I sold my house, worked the final day of my 17+ year job at Arbor, bought out my car, said some tearful goodbyes and set out in my trek to the West. I ended up in Columbus for the night, so just add “leaving my home state” to that list as well.

This picture was after all of those events that day, plus an eight hour car ride. I had grabbed some food, cranked the AC, and laid down for one of the best sleeps of my life. I was exhausted but happy to be on the journey. Friends – I’m not gonna lie. A week later I was in Colorado Springs at April’s house having a meltdown/bawl fest cause “what the hell did I just do?” Bawled. Like a thirteen year old with her first breakup. But with grown up reasons. Just ask April. I was a hot mess. I’d like to say that was the only time, but I’d be lying. It wasn’t.

But here we are, two years later. And, as most of you know, I wouldn’t change it for the world. Moving out here and learning a new job and finding new friends was scary as shit. And it didn’t always work. I’m still learning. But I have way more self-confidence, I freaking love my job and this is just a most beautiful place to live in. It’s the weirdest thing – sometimes I still feel like I’m on an extended trip and there’s an end in sight, but I’m very comfortable here and still exploring what it has to offer. There is so much to see and experience. Like the rodeo I just went to. Where’s that been all my life???

I know this isn’t the first time I said it, but I’ve been thinking about it again so here it is. Be brave. Take those opportunities. Create some if they’re not there. Live. Be scared. Breathe. Pray. And then get out there and figure it all out. Then breathe again and take a moment to enjoy where you are. It may not be where you want to go, but every step of the journey is important. We need them to get to the next steps. Then get moving again. Change is good. It can hurt, but it’s growth. If you have a chance, take it. I did and it turned out to be one of the best decisions I ever made. Don’t worry what others tell you, go with God and your gut. You’re the one living your life – not other people. Now – go rock it.

When It Just Doesn’t Work…And Then It Does

This one could also be called “Perspective Brings Contentment” but that just sounds boring, right?

If you read my last post, you know that last week was a “fun” week for me.  Looking back, I could have handled so many things differently.  (Self-reflection has been a thing for some of us at work this past year and man – is it ever a joy.  Sike.)  It wasn’t the worst, but I let so many things affect me in a negative way that, if viewed in a different light, really weren’t the end of the world.  They were hard and there was no getting out of them, but totally deal-able.  (For those of you who have been trying to tell me this for weeks/months/years, you can say it now.  You told me so. And I’ll say this – you were right.) Some things I handled well and there were lots I didn’t.

It started with someone calling out for two days whom we were almost sure was going to end up quitting.  This person was just plain miserable in what they were doing.  While they were out, yours truly was covering for them and found a lot of incomplete items and some items simply not even started.  Then, there was an incident that was not our fault, but some of our fault, that I ended up taking the fallout for.  Talking to a friend that night, I asked for some advice as it seemed I needed to do something differently.  “Be simple and to the point” he said.  “Don’t be wordy, just state the issue, tell them to do their job and move on.”  Guess what?  I was given an opportunity to use that advice the next morning and it was pretty dang effective.  See?  I listen.  Sometimes.

So by Wednesday morning my blood pressure was up to 137/107 and I was completely done in.  We have a team meeting on Wednesday mornings and, since one of my guys took ownership of that meeting, I get to take a step back.  (Yay for delegation!) During the meeting, he eluded to some of the issues and asked me to elaborate.  I laid out some of the issues and basically said that everyone needed to be there everyday and get their own work done and stop worrying about everyone else.  (I swear I can almost relate to parents some days! lol) A few of the guys took up the mantle and started to motivate the rest of them.  It was pretty entertaining actually.

Afterwards, one of my employees caught me in the shop and asked me to walk with her.  She wanted to offer to take over the job of the first guy in this story as she has done the job before.  Her current job was pretty streamlined and would be a better fit for the first person that was struggling.  We talked about it, worked out some kinks and guys, I practically cried.  For those of you who know me, I cry about four to maybe six times a year so that’s something.  This was a HUGE weight off of my shoulder as she was previously going to transfer to another department but decided she couldn’t leave me. (Right??? How cool is that?)

We offered the job transfer, everyone was happy and they started cross-training.  All by lunchtime. Yep.  We didn’t mess around on this one.  When she did go to lunch, she brought me back a little present.  (I may or may not have almost cried again.) It’s little and simple, and men’s (LOL) but they brought me back socks that said “World’s Best Boss”.  People apparently go to lunch at Target and it’s a beautiful thing.

Another cool part of this story is a verse my friend sent me that Monday morning.  Neither she nor I had any idea of how it was going to be a part of all of this, but that is one of my favorite parts.  Check out Ephesians 3:20.  Now all glory to God, who is able, through His mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. 

When she gave me this verse, it was about another work/life issue entirely, but do you see how well it worked in this situation?  I didn’t come up with that idea, wasn’t even in part of my strategy – at all.  Something was going on behind the scenes that I had no idea about and guess what?  It was more than I even asked or thought.

If that wasn’t good enough, I drug my fine self to church on Sunday (it was one of those days I wanted a date with my bed but my friends convinced me to go) and got totally God-slapped.  This is where the perception leads to contentment thing comes in.  The lesson was this – our perspective has a direct link to our contentment.  Who we go through things with, how we react to them, what we learn from them and how we benefit from them is all related.  Rewind the past week or two and, if viewed with a different perspective, my experiences would be a great deal different.  More than likely in the positive light.

Here’s one of the things we say at work a lot though – “Mistakes are proof you are trying”.  If I wasn’t going through some of the things I did/am still going through, there would be no lesson to learn.  Nothing to fall back on to do differently or try another way.  The reward, once it comes, will be that much sweeter because I had to work harder for it.  And the lessons learned on the way – priceless.

img_4597
My present 🙂

People In The Air

So I have a question for you -Do you normally talk to your neighbors on airplanes or pretty much just sit down with your headphones on and pretend to go right to sleep? Personally, I usually go with the latter. But, sometimes you meet quality people when you least expect it.

Two weeks ago I was on a midday flight from Denver to JFK to meet up with the group I was vacationing with for our flight to Morocco. Due to the time difference, I had to get out of Denver earlier in the day to be in New York for our 8pm group flight. I was technically working that day so I went in early, worked for a few hours and was still clearing up some last minute items while waiting to board the plane.

When I got to my aisle seat, I had my noise-cancelling headphones on, my laptop accessible and I opened it up and continued to work as soon as we reached altitude.

As many of us do nowadays, I glanced at the two people next to me, smiled and went about my business in my own little bubble. I worked for about an hour and then bought lunch when the flight attendants came around. The older lady in the window seat got my attention and let me know the bag from the sandwich I just purchased was leaking. We swapped it out and thus, she saved me from a soggy lunch.

After I finished, I was reaching for my laptop again when the older gentleman next to me taps me and says “Before you get all set up again, I need to see a man about a horse”. I laughed and got up so he could go to the restroom. When he returned, I pulled my laptop out and started back in on my never-ending email.

A few minutes go by and he starts talking to me. So I took my headphones off and found he was commenting on Outlook and how it looked like “some other guy’s program I was sitting next to”. I showed him a few things and he thought it was terrible people had to deal with “that many emails”. That’s when I realized he had a heavy New York accent and that they must’ve been visiting Colorado. My natural curiosity set in and I asked them about their trip.

Turns out this couple has been married for 50 years, raised three kids and put them through college and now travel to see all the things they missed out on. They are in their early 70s and I was surprised as hell to find out how adventurous they are. She even went zip lining in Costa Rica a few years ago!

They were telling me how they toured around Colorado and how they tried a different ethnic restaurant every night. Their favorite was a Thai restaurant were they apparently made friends with the owner. The lady who would buy restaurants, make them profitable, sell them and then go see the world with the proceeds until it was time to do it all over again. The man was fascinated with her as she had a younger boyfriend and said “Man, she was a tiger!” with a big look in his eyes. Cracked me up.

As we talked, I found out he was Ted and she was Bobbi and that Ted had been in the fashion business and the insurance business and that Bobbi had worked at the New York Public Library in the Children’s section for over 40 years. They told me of life in the Bronx, of raising their kids and how she now wants to move to Manhattan and he hates the city. Typical, right?

Ted gave me a tip to use a car service instead of Uber when I came back (I needed to get from a hotel by JFK to LaGuardia at 4am yesterday and it ended out working perfectly). He wanted to hear about my trip when I came back and asked for my email address. I gave him one of my business cards and Bobbi was going to put in her bag. Ted took it right away and says “No, this is going in my wallet!” He was a riot.

All of this to say, I’m so glad he started talking to me – I would’ve missed out on meeting some great people. Don’t get me wrong – there are times I get on a plane and I don’t even want to look at people, let alone talk to them. But with so many people ignoring each other lately, it becomes easier and easier to just ignore them back. After all, they’re strangers.

Ted was true to his word and emailed me the next day. I sent him a reply yesterday when I got back to work and he sent me one right back. He has questions about my trip and what it was like to be in Morocco and he finished it with “it seems to be a good place to sell fence-post diggers”. And – you guessed it – I cracked up again!