We’ve all been in situations where someone says something to us where we kinda tilt our head to the side and think “Did I hear that right? Did they just really say that?” It usually comes from out of the blue and we rarely see it coming.
I was in a meeting last week with my boss and a coworker, discussing some upcoming purchases we were going to make. Near the end of the conversation, I mentioned that I was going to request more funds to buy more trucks (I mean, naturally right?) We needed to make sure our inventory was current. My boss just shook his head as he knows how I like to spend money – so we can make more money of course! The sales lady looks at me and says “Now, that’s why you’re not married yet!”. I just looked at her with a bewildered look on my face, trying to figure out where she was coming from. She backpedals a bit and says “Well, because you like to spend a lot of money.”
Naturally spending money without thought can be a huge issue in a marriage, not to mention business. What she didn’t see was my laid out plans with the ROIs attached – she just assumed I was going to just throw money around. In this case, I know this woman and I am pretty sure where that comment was derived from, but it sure stayed with me.
The good news is that I can take those comments for what they’re worth at this point in my singleness, but it never makes it okay for someone to say them. I’m pretty sure she would not like it if I responded with “Oh that’s why you’ve been cheated on before”. (You feel me people?) Most of our associates have the best of intentions (for the most part) but I don’t think we often take into account or realize how we are making people feel.
I was often corrected as a young woman to not use people as my “punching bag” because I would deflect my own feelings of being unwanted onto others in efforts to make myself feel good. This was beneficial to no one – I had to be made aware of my own misgivings as well as the way I make people feel.
It was a good lesson for me as I sometimes throw around random comments. Am I saying things just to be funny or are they coming from a deeper source of hurt or flat-out meanness?
As far as why we single people are single, there can be a lot of reasons. And not because we’re unattractive, unemployed or generally annoying. To be frank, there are plenty of the above who enjoy the state of matrimony. And to that point, there’s plenty of married people who spend a lot of money on forklifts. Right? Now don’t get me wrong – there are plenty of crazy people who are not married. And for good reasons. But be careful about giving the half-crazy single people a bad rap – we’re actually pretty awesome people.
Now, if you are one of those single people who have been the lucky recipient of some of these comments, hang in there. You’re not the first and you won’t be the last. When they do come along, do this for me. Excuse yourself, go find the closest bathroom, look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are a badass who is rocking this life for all its worth. Go out of that room with your head held high and know how awesome you are. You won’t have to tell anyone, they’ll see it.