Hoodies and High Heels

Ever feel this way?  Like you don’t want to show up to whatever your friends are doing?  Not because you don’t like them, but just because you don’t want to see people.  Or be seen.  I’m pretty sure most of us feel that way every once in awhile – even if we don’t like to admit it.  I’ll admit it. I’ve done it a lot – showed up really late or not at all because I felt a certain way about myself or simply because I couldn’t even think about being seen.  Kim?  The social butterfly?  Yep.  What do you think the “Hoodies” part of this blog is about?  Black hoodies, specifically.  To show my dark side.  Cause it’s there.  And its usually a better idea to stay in than to expose the unassuming public to it.  I’d probably lose a few friends.  That’s when mean/I don’t give a shit Kim comes out.  Yes – best to leave her at home.  Sometimes.  Most of the time.

You know what?  It’s perfectly okay to be by yourself at times.  Now, I’m not condoning turning into a hermit, but I want you to know that if you need you time – go ahead and take it.  Sometimes you just need a mental break – or time to be lazy.  Or to draw horns and a beard on that gorgeous arch-enemy of yours.  Whatever works.  You do you.

I will admit there are times I do this because I simply don’t want to be seen.  I wouldn’t call it depressed, but I’d say there is a certain something holding me back.  Today was one of those days – I don’t have any real friends yet where I stood them up, but I had wanted to go out and do a few things.  Go to church (its just hard), take a walk by the new lake I found, get my nails done.  But what did I do? Stay in and hung out on my balcony.  Read two books.  Took a nap.  Ordered groceries.  Did my laundry. Painted my own nails.  Didn’t see a soul today.

You may think its sad, but hey.  I don’t.  It happens.  There are days I just want “Kim time”.  And this is one of those days.  (And considering I know like three people here right now, it’s a little easier to do so!)

You may have a few more responsibilities than I do, but if you ever get the feeling where you don’t want to be in public and you have the opportunity to do so, go for it.

Sometimes you just need a break from your normal.  Try it out sometime.

You could say packing up your life and moving across the country is a pretty big life change, right?  Good, because that’s life.  Many people have asked me over the past month or so if I was scared.  Scared, not really?  Anxious that I screwed up and made the worst decision of my life? Yep.  Pretty much the whole time.

But do you know what I was more afraid of?  Regret.  Regret that I was too afraid to try something new.  To put myself out there.  To be brave and change my life around.

Want to know a secret?  I am so glad.  I did it.  I tried something new.  I put myself out there and I was brave.  Have I turned my life around?  Not yet, people.  It’s only been two months! ha.

This past week was my first week of work at my new company.  i walked in there not knowing exactly what to expect.  But I figured it would be like when any other new person started.  You would meet people, drink coffee, look generally awkward and confused for a few days and then eventually – slowly – get down to business.

What happened was a bit of a whirlwind.  Meetings?  Two my first day.  All day training? My third day.  My email inbox over 100 actionable items?  Third day.  One on one meetings to see what needs to be changed? Fourth day.  The thrill that I made the right decision and I was going to be part of a great team? Day Three.  Were the people nice? Better than I imagined.  Did they ask for input right away? Yep (and I’m still blown away by this!)

Do I have more things to change and implement than I know what to do with? Yep.  Were the issues and challenges of the department similar? Better believe it.  Am I excited to be here and be a part of this change?  Stoked.  STOKED I say.

The coolest thing?  I wasn’t scared.  It was this feeling that I was in the right place.  A feeling of belonging.  Right away.  There was this confidence that was almost foreign.  It simply comes from seeing a job that needs to be done and jumping in to make it happen. It’s almost beyond explanation.  It was just there.  Like it was just me.  Doing what I do.  But in a completely new space with completely new people.  Weird.  But good.

What more can I convey then this? A very great friend of mine said this perfectly – there is no better place than obeying God when He says to move and doing just that.  To know that you are where you are supposed to be and that He’ll take it from here.

And you know what?  I want just that.  I don’t want to screw this up.  I’ve come too far and learned too much about who I am and who it is who takes care of me.  And the support of everyone praying for me and wishing me well?  It was there.  In spades.  In more ways then you will ever know.

Thank you.  Just thank you.

On that note – when something big and scary comes along, just examine it with an open heart and mind.  It just may be that thing you were looking for and you didn’t even know it.  Try it.  It may crash and burn, but it may be the best thing you ever tried.  No regrets, my friends.  No regrets.

You know how people say “It will happen when you least expect it”?  And half the time you walk away thinking it will happen to everyone else but yourself?  Or wondering how you will stop expecting whatever it is that you want?  I’ve been there a few times over the years and have come to the conclusion these things just happen to other people.  Until a few weeks ago – when I received a phone call that flipped my life upside down.

For the past 24 months or so, I had been making efforts to change my work life: from looking for new opportunities to challenging myself to be more professional by working on emotional intelligence.  There was a period where I was trying my hardest to find a new job in order to remove myself from some unhealthy (mentally) situations.  I went through circumstances that allowed me to have some experience and growth, but it seemed I was being kept in the same spot.  This allowed me to have the courage to stand up for myself and challenge some misconceptions people had about me and many of my situations changed for the better.  Relationships were improved or repaired, and I felt I was “content” in my work situation.  However, it’s amazing how life can change your perspectives.  Even though I was in a good place, I was now aware that I would be open to other opportunities if they became available.

Then came a phone call a few weeks ago.  A long-time friend of mine from the industry gave me a ring and wanted to know if I would come work with him.  In a place which will allow me to grow and learn more about the industry, while giving me opportunities I have only dreamed about.  To his surprise and mine, I said I was interested.  To make a very long story short, I accepted the position and will be moving in a few weeks to go out west.  To work.  And live.  In Colorado.  Colorado!!!

These past few weeks of being pursued, interviewing, analyzing options, and making a thousand decisions a day, have been challenging and exciting.  I can’t turn my brain off – it is so used to planning and coordinating things, and this will be the biggest event I’ve ever attempted.  It has to be one of the most mentally exhausting things I’ve experienced, but it is so fun to make new plans in an exciting new place.

There will be so many opportunities for me to learn and grow, both personally and professionally – I am so looking forward to it.  There will be difficult days ahead I know – but I am dwelling on the new places I’ll be able to experience and the people I will meet.

Want to know one of the best things about this?  It is something I have always wanted to do and never had the courage to do it alone.  Living in a gorgeous place and working for someone who is willing to port me across the country to do so?  Sign me up please!  There have been times where I was thinking I could do this, but with someone at my side, along for the ride.  But I’m here in the now and that’s not the case.  And you know what?  It’s a good thing.  I’m not scared, I’m excited.  I can do this because I am single.  Because I have mobility.  Because it’s an adventure I want to go on.

I guess what I’m trying to say here is to not be afraid to do something because you are single.  Because you think you are alone.  You’re actually surrounded by more friends and support than you’ve realized.  You can do it.  Go experience life.  It may or may not work out.  Who knows? I may be wishing for East Coast life.  But you know what I won’t have?  Regret.  That I didn’t try it.  That I didn’t have this experience and the new ones ahead.  Because I did do it.  I did try.  I am going to experience more of what life has to offer.

Each step of this situation has been a leap of faith.  And each step is working out in ways I could only imagine.  In a way that is giving me the peace and assurance that is the right step for me.  I can’t wait to see what is next, even though I have no idea what it may be.  And that is why this is the epic adventure.

A long time ago, I was in the situation where someone asked me “How can you be busy?  You don’t have any kids!” I’m not sure how I responded but I don’t think it was very well.  I know the perception behind it – this person was raising four kids and had a very active life.  But that didn’t make me feel any better.  I was busy.  Just with other things than she was.  That does not in any way diminish me and my life.

In the past week, my sister gave birth to her third child.  It was a whirlwind for us as she was coordinating childcare, delivering her son, and then caring for him.  Along with her husband and other kids.  We’ve been helping her a lot and as I am spending time taking care of her kids, I am understanding what the other side of busy is.  I can take care of them for a few hours and I’m wiped.  But you know what?  It’s a good wiped.  It’s something I wanted to do and I wouldn’t trade time spent with those kids for the world.

Then there are nights like tonight.  I worked until 8pm, made dinner and sat down in a state of exhaustion.  There are different types of busy.  There are different walks of life.  I didn’t choose to be single.  I didn’t choose to not have children.  But that is where I ended up.  For now.  I just get extra time to choose 😉 But here’s the thing – I’m not less busy than someone with kids and a spouse.  I simply have other things that keep me running around like a crazy person.

There are people who feel I need to “go find someone” and then there are those are jealous of my “me” and free time.  Guess what?  That’s just the way it goes.  Do you know what the other side of the coin is?  People tend to think that because I’m single, I must have all this free time and therefore I can pitch in and do things for anyone and everyone.  I am totally generalizing here because there are many people who are sensitive to this and can relate.  However, this happens more often than not.  Even people very close to me have asked me to change my situation to accommodate others just because “you’re only one person”.

**side note – be careful about doing the same to married people without children.  The same rule applies.

I’m here to say that being a single unit is not always easy.  Sure I go out to dinner, hang out with lots of different people and go fun places.  I’m a very lucky chick with a lot of awesome friends. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have the same responsibilities of a home and finances and whatever else life has to throw at me.  Just think carefully the next time you put singles in a box with “They have time.  They don’t have kids.”  That box just may break on you one day.

Ever notice how we take our friends for granted?  Or even how you don’t expressively think of people of friends per say – until they do something very “friend-worthy”?   Like when you get a crazy idea you want to try and a friend comes along for moral support just to make sure you’re safe?  (And it turns out there was a VERY good reason??)  When you get involved in a situation you have no earthly idea how you got in and they are right there to laugh the way out of it?  Or how about that random friend from work that shows up early to set things up because they know you’ll inevitably be running late?  Who listens to all your crazy stories to try and help you see another perspective?  Then there are the ones who have everything you thought you wanted but get frustrated with you because you have everything they don’t.  And you can both laugh about how crazy that is.  Because you have been through so much together.  And then there are those you have known longer than you can remember who are always there – no matter how much time has passed.

Do you sometimes feel something is missing from your life?  That you can’t experience life the way others do?  Completely?  Because you don’t have the same things they do?  Well, I’m here to tell you I have a full life – and I take every chance I can to experience things I’ve never done before.  From sporting events to wine strolls to traipsing through a cold creek in the mountains.  And do you know how I experience those things?  With my friends.  Because of my friends. Those who allow me to do things that are completely crazy, or senseless, and they help me do them anyway.  They have dinner with me, send me cards and laugh at all my corny jokes.  Why?  Because they’re my friends in high places.

The best part about having friends is being a friend.  So look for opportunities this week to be a friend to someone who needs it.  You may never know just how much it means to them. (Or me.)

I thought of the name for this blog the day Tom Petty died. I was working on some posts when “Learning to Fly” came on my Spotify playlist. It made me sad but as I was listening to the lyrics, I realized how far influence goes. It is something that continues long after our physical selves do. Like these lyrics…“some say life will beat you down. Break you down, steal your crown. So I started out for God knows where. Guess I’ll know when I get there. I’m Learning to Fly.” Kind of what this blog is about. Life is a crazy ride. Sometimes you ride the high and some days life just plain sucks. My life looks nothing like the ten year plan I drew up when I was in my early 20s – it’s not a bad thing, but it is nothing like I imagined for myself. This is not to say that I don’t love my life, cause I do. Life is what you make it. It is all how we approach and react to the things that happen to us. Sometimes it is getting up and moving to “God knows where” and spreading our wings in a different situation. Or maybe it is fighting for our place in our current situation. Why? Because three songs later, “I Won’t Back Down” came on.